Pythagoras said: "Who speaks, sow. Who hears, harvest."
In the workplace, communication is primarily through speech: we explain instructions, we give feedback, we set deadlines.
But behind the words you use are priceless sources of information such as the tone of your voice, body language, silence and what you don't say.
Many people think they're good listeners but if you don't know how to open your ears and eyes properly then you may not grasp the message.
A recent study by George Washington University found that listening properly can affect performance by up to 40%.
You can learn and master active listening. It may not come naturally or seem boring but you just have to follow a few simple rules to improve your listening skills and your performance too.
Look out for the 2 biggest mistakes that most people make which are not concentrating on what is said but instead on:
- how I'm going to answer
- how what the person says affects me
But listening carefully doesn't focus on me but on the other person.
So I can:
Switch off my phone (or put it away at least)
Our many virtual connections nowadays stop us being connected to other people in reality, in the here and now. A call, text or just a vibration can distract us or make who we're talking to lose their train of thought.
When I start a conversation, I give it my full focus. Giving it my full attention is what ensures good communication.
Ask the right questions
You'll be amazed how much respect and appreciation you'll get just be asking simple clarification questions showing that not only are you listening but you're also actually interested in who you're talking to.
I ask questions to check I've understood as well as to get more information and ensure we always stay on topic.
Questions like: "How did he react?", "What happened next?", "Why did you say that?".
Practise active listening
Carl Rogers talks about "reflective listening". It means using questions (as above) and rephrasing things to ensure you've really understood what the person you're talking to is saying. By practising active listening, you enable them to clarify their message if necessary. You can also use mirroring to rephrase using the exact same words as the person you're talking to and they'll feel empowered by you using their vocabulary. You can rephrase using your own terms e.g. starting with "If I've understood... ". You therefore remove any chance of misunderstanding; it helps you distance yourself from the situation too.
Use positive body language
Awareness of your body language (gestures, expressions, tone of voice) and making it positive is essential. You simply have to show your enthusiasm, not cross your arms, maintain eye contact and any positive forms of body language to give the person you're talking to the impression that you're listening and acknowledging them.
Don't judge
Listening means keeping an open mind. And having an open mind makes you more approachable and interesting. That's crucial in your career. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who has opinions on everything, is impervious to any new idea and incapable of keeping an open mind about any possibility or point of view they haven't considered themselves.
To remove any chance of preconceptions, I put myself in the other's shoes and see the world through their eyes. That doesn't mean I think the same as they do but simply that I don't allow myself to judge them so I can truly understand what they say.
Don't speak
I keep quiet unless it's to ask questions to clarify things.
I give the person I'm speaking to the space they need to express themselves without getting distracted or rushing, to gather all the information they want to tell me in their own time. I also manage my desire (albeit natural) to help them and suggest solutions which usually unintentionally puts them down. I also avoid saying "OK, you can stop there. I've got it! " which have the exact same negative effect.
We're all living life at top speed and digital being everywhere only enhances the feeling of being in a rush.
That makes it even more important to practise and develop your ability and quality for listening to yourself and others. It's anything but a waste of time. It's the guarantee of attentive and successful management that will make your colleagues gain respect for you and improve your influence.
It would be a shame to miss out.