As a communication specialist, I help many of my clients manage their impact and relationship dynamic. And one subject that often crops up is managing to communicate properly under stress.
How we listen and speak is essential but it's even more important under pressure. During times of stress, it's easy for misunderstandings to arise that often make the situation even more tense.
When this happens, it's worth reviewing (acknowledging) how you communicate to remedy it. Whether you're communicating with your manager, banker or family members, the 3 key principles for successful communication are: speak carefully, listen actively and answer specifically.
These are tools that work to better communicate under stress and avoid misunderstandings.
SPEAK CAREFULLY
Be specific
Don't think your audience can read your mind. The people listening to you may be smart but they're not mind readers. So instead of expecting people to understand what you're saying (and perhaps waiting a long time...), be clear. Clearly explain the issue and say how you feel. Don't leave people to guess or assume what you're thinking. It's a waste of time and energy for both of you. Clear communication is a solid foundation for a calm and efficient discussion.
Stay focused
Focus on your problem. Digressing or bringing up past squabbles won't do anything but confuse things or add extra stress and adversity.
Don't say too much/Master silence
Silence is golden when you know how to handle it. Especially when emotions are running high, you're on edge or over-stressed. This can make you verbally abusive, say things you don't really mean or may regret. You can go too far and the situation can only get worse. It's a slippery slope. So being able to keep quiet or say as little as possible is a smart way to handle pressure and force you to choose and weigh up your words.
Be tactful
It's not all about "YOU"! Be factual and descriptive rather than critical, sarcastic or try to teach them a lesson. Focus on yourself. Make it about "I" instead of "you". You'll see have a stronger and calmer impact.
LISTEN ATTENTIVELY
Develop your empathy
Put yourself in their shoes. Try to see things from their perspective. The idea isn't to drop your opinion and always agree with who you're talking to but to really understand them. Put yourself in their place and you'll not only better understand them but your genuine interest will make them more interested in you and will form the foundations for a potentially better working relationship.
Stop interrupting
Sometimes it's important to stop talking so you can hear all the words and messages the other person is sharing with you. Don't overthink it. Focus on them, not you. Focus on their language and non-verbal signs, they're full of information to help you understand who you're talking to.
Take criticism calmly
Act like a coffee filter and separate facts from feelings like anger or fear.
Accept what's been said without giving advice
Often you can't help bringing the discussion back to yourself and give advice, especially when you think the other person is wrong. If you want the advice to be taken on board and applied then timing is vital. It's better to listen, support and let the other person express their emotions before giving advice.
ANSWER SPECIFICALLY
Get all the facts
Listen carefully until you've completely understood what's been said. Feel free to ask questions to clarify anything you've not understood. Ask clear questions to get clear answers.
Check your assumptions
The aim of any communication is understanding. The person listening processes what's been said so it's essential to check you've properly understood what the other person meant. So rephrase it and open with: "If I've understood properly...", "What you mean is...".
Be honest
Be honest and say "I understand why you feel like that." Acknowledging and accepting how the other person feels doesn't mean you agree with them but that you acknowledge their opinion.
Listen to yourself
Consciously listen to how you express yourself. Do I have a positive or negative attitude? What's the tone of my voice saying? Is my face constantly tense? Am I avoiding eye contact? Am I always interrupting?
You may not always get what you want but it's important to clearly set out what you hope to achieve. Your listening skills will also help you understand the other person's needs and demonstrate your ability to care for others. When each party commits to improving communication and listening, it's far easier to share what you think or feel and eventually better understand each other so you can make the best decisions together without outdoing each other or stress levels rising.
